Tenchi Ball Z
by Chazo
Summary: What would happen if bmscaife@aol.com's story took a different turn? A crossover with my special chars. Tenchi meets up with some DBZ style character.
1. No Need For Time Travel

*DISCLAIMER* I DO NOT BY ANY MEANS OWN TENCHI OR ANYTHING RELATING TO DRAGONBALL Z (EXCEPT THE 4 CHARACTERS I MADE UP). ZERO, D-SHADE, DOUBLE S, AND GREY FOX ARE PROPERTY OF BMSCAIFE@AOL.COM. IF YOU WANT TO READ PREVIOUS ADVENTURES THAT HE HAS WRITTEN, CHECK OUT THE TENCHI MUYO FAN FIC ARCHIVE. KEEP IN MIND THAT HE IS A PERVERT SO HIS STORIES WILL BE IN THE LEMONS SECTION. NOBODY SUE ME BECAUSE THEIR EFFORTS WOULD BE FOR NAUGHT.  
  
****ATTENTION**** In order to make sense of any of these stories, you must read "The Newcomers" in the Lemons section written by Zero Cool. Otherwise you're going to be lost at some points. Keep in mind that in this story, Sasami is 18. Don't call me a preteen smut monger.  
  
NO NEED FOR TIME TRAVEL  
  
Zero and Tenchi had been training in the hyperbolic chamber that Washuu had built for quite some time now. Tenchi's power has grown considerably and even though he was struggling, he was holding his own with Zero at 1000 G's.  
  
"HYAAA!" Tenchi threw a powerful blast at Zero but narrowly missed him by mere inches. Zero countered by kicking a large, loose boulder at Tenchi, which didn't miss him. Tenchi was thrown back at a tree so hard it almost sounded as if Tenchi's back had been broken and not the tree.  
  
Even though Zero was still pumped up, he knew when to stop. "Ok that's it. That's enough for now."  
  
Tenchi got up with much effort, "Even if it wasn't I'd probably stop anyway."  
  
"You did good so I wouldn't complain even if you did."  
  
Sasami called to them from the speaker, "Are you guys ok? I thought someone got hurt!"  
  
Zero replied, "We're fine babe. Are you guys ready to come in?"  
  
"No. I just wanted to tell you guys that breakfast is ready."  
  
The very next second, Zero and Tenchi were nowhere to be seen in the training room.  
  
As everyone sat down at the table, they noticed something odd.  
  
Grey Fox was the first one to voice his opinions, "Hey Sasami, isn't this a little extriva. . .extravaga. . ."  
  
"Extravagant man!" Finished D-Shade.  
  
"It's fancy! All right smart guy?"  
  
Mihoshi even noticed the difference. "Yeah Sasami this is a little much, what's the occasion?"  
  
Kiyone whispered to Mihoshi, "Can't you see? She and Zero just got engaged!"  
  
"WOW REALLY?? Sasami's going to be married!"  
  
Zero seemed agitated. "No we're not! Even I don't know why she made such an extrava. . ." D-Shade was about to help him out but Zero pointed a finger at him, "Don't you fucking dare!"  
  
Tenchi felt something was special that day too. "Yeah Sasami. What's up?"  
  
"Washuu fixed her time machine!"  
  
Double S spoke up, "Really? A time machine? You mean we could go back to our time?"  
  
"Why would you want to honey?" said Washuu as she came through the door.  
  
"No reason. Just maybe to see some old friends back in our time."  
  
"Well you're going to have to wait. There's still a bug somewhere. I just can't seem to find it."  
  
Ryoko said, "Well hurry up Washuu! I wanna go sight-seeing with your machine!"  
  
"Really Ryoko," scolded Ayeka, "when are you going to stop acting like a spoiled child?"  
  
"What did you say?!"  
  
Tenchi held them apart, "Now hold on, it's too early in the morning for you guys to be fighting already!"  
  
"Well all the same," said Zero, "I'd like to see this time machine of yours."  
  
"Well come on down. I said it wasn't complete, not that it was hazardous.  
  
LATER, IN WASHUU'S LAB. . .  
  
Everyone was ogling over the time machine. Even though a couple of wires poked out, it seemed to be perfectly functional.  
  
Ryoko whined, "Oh c'mon Washuu! It looks fine to me."  
  
"But it's not. Trust me!"  
  
Ryoko laughed at that comment.  
  
"Fine Ryoko! You think it'll work? Let's try it!"  
  
As Washuu stomped over to the control switch everyone was trying to stop her. But she was too quick.  
  
"I'll try and send you guys to the past. Hopefully it'll work. If it doesn't, blame Ryoko."  
  
She typed in the year 0 B.C.  
  
Double S said, "Cool. We get to meet Jesus!"  
  
Grey Fox replied, "You're not Christian dumb-ass."  
  
"Oh yeah."  
  
As Washuu was putting in the final computations, a look of fear came across her face. A shower of sparks shot out of the control board almost setting her on fire. At the same time, the rest of the gang seemed to flicker and dissapear.  
  
The last words they heard from Washuu were, "Oh cra-"  
  
When he woke up, Zero found that everyone else had been knocked out by whatever had happened. Sasami was the first thing that came to his mind. He rushed over to her side and lifted her head.  
  
"Sasami," he asked, "are you all right?"  
  
"Yes. I'm fine. We better check on the others."  
  
They went around to everybody to make sure they were ok. So far everyone was all right unless you counted Ayeka who got a bump on her head.  
  
Grey Fox seemed concerned, "Hey Ayeka, how's your head?"  
  
A few seconds later he was lying face down in the center of a smoldering crater, his clothes torn and ripped till they were almost unrecognizable.  
  
ELSEWHERE. . .  
  
Four mysterious youths were training off in the mountains. There were three boys, and one girl, who took care of most of the cooking (Hey I'm not a chauvinist). They had been there for quite awhile and they sort of enjoyed this lifestyle. It was actually quite peaceful when they stopped training. All of a sudden their leader stopped. Something was very odd. The girl walked up to him.  
  
"Is something wrong?" she asked.  
  
"I don't know," he replied, "I just felt a power increase of somewhere in the west. The thing is, I never felt this presence before."  
  
A strange alien with green skin came up to him, "Do you think we should check it out?"  
  
"You read my mind Shou. Let's go, but be on guard. We don't know what this person is like, or if they're alone."  
  
They raised their power level high enough to to defend themselves. Their hair raised stright up in the air and turned a golden blond, as if by magic. Except for Shou, who had no hair at all. They then shot off into the sky, to meet the new arrivals.  
  
BACK IN THE FIELD. . .  
  
As soon as everyone was accounted for (And Grey Fox given a new set of clothes), they decided to try and find out where they were. However there surroundings were very unfamiliar. Where the house used used to be, was now an open field.  
  
"Okay," said Double S, "where the hell are we?"  
  
"I know," said Tenchi, "this place looks so weird!"  
  
Ryoko was furious, "Damn that Washuu she messed up again!"  
  
Ayeka turned on her, "Well if you hadn't of complained and whined like a little spoiled brat none of this would've happened!"  
  
"You're one to talk about being spoiled, you little tramp!"  
  
"WHAT!?"  
  
"Shut up!" shouted Zero. He appeared to be sensing something.  
  
Sasami asked, "What is it hon?"  
  
"There are some high power levels coming this way from the east. Be careful these people may be dangerous."  
  
"Look," said Mihoshi, "I can see them!" Indeed she did.  
  
Four bright lights were flying toward them at a fast speed. To Zero's shock, three of them had an all too familiar golden aura around them. But for some reason, one of them didn't. But something about one of the others seemed strange, like he was holding something back.  
  
As they arrived, The mysterious youths descended in front of Zero and the others. Three Super Saiyans, and one Namek.  
  
The leader spoke up, "Who are you? Where did you come from?"  
  
Zero decided that he would speak, "We just came from Okayama, Japan and we were wondering where we were."  
  
The leader raised an eyebrow, "You're in Okayama, Japan my friend. Where did you really come from?"  
  
Zero was shocked to say the least. But he didn't show it. "And who may I ask are you?"  
  
The man got a stern look on his face, "I believe the real question is the one I asked before, 'Who are you?' Now are you going to be nice about it, or do you just wanna get fucked up?" He was itchin' for a fight.  
  
The girl put her hand on his arm, "Hey! Take it easy," she looked at Zero, "sorry, Chazo's not much of a people person."  
  
She let her hair go back to normal, "My name is Mia, the other guy with the blond hair is his brother Jeigo. The Namek over there is named Shou."  
  
Zero returned the courtisy, "My name is Zero. This is my crew, Grey Fox, D-Shade, and Double S. The others are my friends, Ryoko, Ayeka, Mihoshi, Kiyone, and my girl Sasami, and hey," someone was missing, "where's Washuu?"  
  
Tenchi answered, "She must have gotten left behind in the transfer."  
  
"Well shit, that means we're stuck here."  
  
Chazo spoke up, "Um I'd hate to brake up the bitchuing fest but, I think you should come with us. Now."  
  
"Yeah?" Zero was also ready for battle, "what if we don't want to?"  
  
"Shou, why don't you show what you can do against," Chazo pointed at Double S, "him."  
  
Shou grinned a pointy-toothed grin, "No problem man."  
  
Double S seemed a little hesitant, "Should I Zero?"  
  
Zero nodded with approval. And so it was Double S V.S. Shou.  
  
THE FIGHT: ROUND ONE  
  
As Double S prepared for the fight, Chazo gave Shou a little pep talk.  
  
"Look Shou, this guy's got nothing on you. Remember you're a Super Namek! And don't worry," he put his hand on Shou's shoulder, "I've got your back in case they try anything funny."  
  
Zero was also giving his man a small pep talk, "Listen S, this guy's got nothing on you. Remember, you're a Super Saiyan! And don't worry," he put his hand on Double S's shoulder, "I've got your back in case they try anything funny."  
  
"Chazo raised his hand, "Wait! We need an appropriate ring"  
  
Chazo put his hands together and appeared to be humming softly. His hands began to glow with a golden light. His eyes also began to change from green to a blood-red. Then, strangely enough, the ground below him began to smooth and flatten out. The others moved out of the way as large rocks came off of the mountain and seemed to be carved by an invisible chisel, taking the shape of a 2'x2' flat square. They placed themselves on the flattened are that Chazo had made and began to form a platform.  
  
Zero was stunned, "That can't be. . ."  
  
D-Shade, "That's a World Martial Arts Tournament ring!"  
  
Grey Fox, "I don't believe it. I didn't think anybody knew about it."  
  
Soon, Chazo was laying down the final bricks to complete his ring.  
  
"Now we're ready to begin. You know the Rules of the WMAT so, Shou come on up."  
  
The green Namek entered the ring proud and strong, as if he trained for this a long time. Then Double S entered the ring, also ready for the upcoming battle. As Double S looked Shou in the eye, he knew that he was a ruthless fighter. They then got into their respective fighting stances.  
  
Mia shouted, "C'mon Shou! Show him what you got!"  
  
Shou powered up first, in an attempt to intimidate his opponent. As he did, His muscles began to bulge and his muscles became much more ripped. He also seemed to grow slightly in height to a staggering 6'7".  
  
Shou cocked a smile, "Come on Saiyan, show me what you got!"  
  
Double S then proceeded to use his transformation. Electricity crackled all around him and his hair shot up in a firey gold. However, Shou didn't seem all too impressed.  
  
"Oh give me a break! You think that shit's gonna work on me?"  
  
"Well maybe not. SO HOW BOUT THIS?!"  
  
Just then Double S powered up again, his hair growing longer in length, and the aura around him grew to an enormous height. Shou was stunned to say the least.  
  
"Wow. You went to the second stage. I'm impressed, at least you'll make this fight interesting now!"  
  
Shou lunged at Double S throwing powerful, precise punches at his abdomen that SS tried as hard as he could to block, but just barely. SS came back and countered with a powerful elbow to the teeth that just barely grazed the side of Shou's head. As they gave themselves some room, they powered up for their first energy attacks.  
  
Shou raised his hand toward SS and shouted, "MASENKO BLAST!" And out from his hand shot a bright blast at SS that he dodged fairly easily. As the shot roared past him, it smashed into the mountain, tearing a good chunk of it to pieces. SS then used an attack of his own.  
  
"KAAAAAAAMAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYHAAAAAAAAAAMAAAAAAAAAAY," as he was shouting this, a brilliant bluish-white light filed his hands as they glowed with pure energy.  
  
Shou was flabbergasted, "NO WAY! THAT'S A KAMEHAMEHA!"  
  
"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Double S released the blast sending Shou flying out of the ring and almost into the mountains, but then strangely, he disappeared. Nobody saw him go anywhere.  
  
"What the hell?" said Zero, "Where'd that guy go?"  
  
Double S was about ready to power down but before he could get a chance, Shou reappeared behind him and rabbit-punched him in the back. As SS grimaced in pain, Shou took the opportunity to capitalize on this. He raised two fingers and shouted, "SPECIAL BEAM CANNON," he pointed his fingers at SS, "FIRE!"  
  
SS had no time to react and was struck by the blast which sent him crashing to the ground outside of the ring. Zero and his crew, were dissapointed.  
  
"Damn," said Zero, "he almost won too."  
  
"It's not over yet." Said Chazo.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Look at his feet. They aren't touching the ground outside, but are still inside the ring. Your man still has a chance at this."  
  
Zero shouted, "DOUBLE S, GET UP! IT'S NOT OVER YET!"  
  
Shou also sensed that the battle wasn't over yet and charged at him ready to finish him off. He raised his hand to perform a masenko blast, but before he got a chance, he stopped, dead in his tracks. Double S's knee was pressed firmly into Shou's groin, shortening the amount of possible offspring that he could have. He doubled over, grasping his nuts in agony. SS then gave Shou a powerful uppercut that sent him flying into the air. He sped up to him and delivered a flying spin kick that sent Shou crashing toward the ground, feet and all. Their battle was over, with Double S the victor, much to Chazo's chagrin.  
  
"Well Chazo," gloated Zero, "looks like your boy couldn't do a whole lot."  
  
Chazo merely grunted in response.  
  
All of a sudden, Mia stepped up, "I challenge him!" She was pointing to D-Shade.  
  
D-Shade was bewildered, "Are you fucking kidding me? I don't fight girls!"  
  
Zero glared at him, "Oh yes you do."  
  
"Since when?"  
  
"Since. . .now."  
  
And so it was Mia v.s. D-Shade.  
  
THE FIGHT: ROUND TWO  
  
As Mia stepped on to the platform, she didn't have the same attitude as Shou. Her's was more cautious. She knew that Shou's downfall had been his arrogance, and that she would not make the same mistake that he did. Even though she couldn't quite make the SS2 stage, she would rely on her skill to help her in this match.  
  
D-Shade was very adamant about not fighting Mia. He wanted absolutely no part of this whatsoever. He pleaded with Zero not to make him fight her.  
  
"Come on Zero! I can't hit her, she's a-"  
  
"I know very well what she is. But frankly I don't care, a challenge has been made, I don't want to have anything to do with someone who turns any challenge down. You don't fight, I turn my back on you."  
  
D-Shade was shocked at the harshness in Zero's answer. Never had his comerade ever spoke to him in this way. But he knew that he wasn't joking at all. So, reluctantly, he stepped up to the platform, where Mia was waiting.  
  
"I hope you know this is pretty embarresing!" said D-Shade.  
  
"It is for me too!"  
  
"Why is that?"  
  
"I don't like to beat up cry babies."  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
D-Shade quickly transformed into a Super Saiyan at the same time she did. He lunged at her trying to hit her, but she was just too damn fast. He threw another roundhouse, which she countered with a kick to the back of the head, which sent him sprawling.  
  
"What the hell?!" He was in shock. No one does that to me, bitch!"  
  
"Don't call me a bitch you fag!"  
  
He was beyond angry now. Not only had she kicked him, she insulted him immediately after that.  
  
"You're not getting away with that!"  
  
And with that he transformed again into the Super Saiyan two stage. Mia was in trouble now.  
  
"Oh shit! Now what?"  
  
Mia was beginning to panic when all of a sudden she received a powerful blow to her stomach that send her flying out of the ring. But before she fell to the ground, she flew back at him in a vain attempt to throw him off guard. He merely back-handed her to the ground. Mia now had blood steaming down her nose, and out of her mouth.  
  
"What are you doing? I'm a woman."  
  
D-Shade immediately felt guilty. "I'm sorry. I-"  
  
Before he could finish his words, Mia gave him a strong uppercut to the chin that sent him flying. But it was for naught. Immediately, he fired a Masenko blast at her which hit her dead on. She lay on the ground, a battered and bloody mess. As D-Shade came down, he was amazed to find that she had disappeared. Then he saw her from above, appearing to be wiggling her fingers in front of her.  
  
"Let's see you get by this!"  
  
Threadlike beams came out of her fingers and began to form into a ball in front of her. The ball was not unlike that of a ball of yarn. Then after it was about as big as a beach ball, it compressed down to the size of a marble. She then began to add more threads to it till it was about the size of a bowling ball. D-Shade was getting nervous, although he was stronger than her, this blast was extremely powerfull. She then threw the ball at him, causing an explosion which sent him flying out of the ring and though two mountains before he finally fell to the ground, a defeated man.  
  
Zero was stunned, "I don't believe it! What the hell happened?"  
  
Chazo chuckled, "That's her Kameha-yarn ball. Each inch of one thread has the power of one kamehameha. I doubt that even you could withstand a move like that."  
  
As D-Shade walked back to the group, it was obvious that he felt embarresed and dejected. He let himself be beaten by a woman. He was expecting Zero to shun him off but to his surprise, he shook his hand.  
  
"You did a good job out there. And that stuff I said before, don't worry about it. I just said that so you would get into the ring."  
  
"Thanks Zero." Although he didn't feel like thanking anybody at that point.  
  
"Hmm, well is that it Zero? Or do you propose another match?"  
  
"As a matter of fact I do."  
  
"Who?"  
  
Grey fox was ready and waiting. He knew Zero was going to pick him and he wanted him to. Since he saw how powerful Jeigo was, he knew he would be the perfect challenge.  
  
"Chazo. . ."  
  
Everyone was waiting for his answer, all with different possibilities in their minds.  
  
". . .I challenge you!"  
  
THE FIGHT: FINAL ROUND  
  
"What?"  
  
"You heard me."  
  
Chazo was clearly not expecting this. But nonetheless, he was excited.  
  
"Fine. But let's do one thing first."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"Let's get rid of this pesky ring."  
  
He proceeded to fly up and form a powerful energy ball in his hands.  
  
"EVERYONE, GET OUT OF THE WAY NOW!" shouted Zero.  
  
Just as everyone cleared the way, Chazo threw the ball at the platform smashing it into a thousand tiny pieces. Again Ayeka was the only one who got a minor injury. A small cut on her forehead.  
  
Grey Fox seemed concerned again, "Hey Ayeka, how's your-." He stopped himself as he remembered what happened the last time he said that to her.  
  
As the smoke cleared, Chazo transformed to a Super Saiyan 2, confident that Zero couldn't match his experienced level. But Zero proved him wrong by doing the same and powering up to an SS2. Chazo was a little surprised, but still confidant that Zero didn't have nearly as much experience as he did.  
  
However, he was mistaken.  
  
Zero said, "Hey Chazo, don't act so cocky!"  
  
And in that instant, he threw a masenko blast that almost blew Chazo's head off. Chazo countered with a haymaker that missed by mere inches. Zero threw a kick that Chazo caught in his hands. Rather than panicking, Zero merely flipped over kicking Chazo's head with an ensiguri. As Chazo was holding his head, Zero smashed his fist into Chazo's gut, but hit only air due to a sanzuken. Chazo then threw a kick of his own that Zero caught. Chazo also tried to due an ensiguri, but Zero ducked and let Chazo's foot go, which was a mistake. Chazo landed on his foot and kicked Zero directly in the mouth, blood spraying everywhere.  
  
Chazo knew that this fight was his. This guy was just an amateur. Chazo began to walk away from the battle, but Zero held up his hand.  
  
"You think just from one hit, the battle's over? You ain't seen nothing yet!"  
  
This amused Chazo, but then a look of terror crossed his face. Zero beggan to glow even more intensly and the golden fire grew larger and brighter. His hair grew long and down to his calves, his eyebrow ridges pushed out with the eyebrows completely gone. Indeed, Zero had gone to the Super Saiyan 3 stage.  
  
Chazo was almost scared, "Wha- what the hell? What the hell are you?!"  
  
Zero replied, "Your worst nightmare."  
  
Chazo began to think to himself, "This is impossible! I'm the most powerful Saiyan alive, how can this amateur be more powerful than I am? Agh! There's got to be some way to win. I can't beat him in pure strength, that much is obvious. So how? I guess I'll just have to rely on my skill. Hopefully he hasn't surpassed me there." Then he remembered something. "No I can't use that, if I do, it may backfire. I guess I'll keep it as a last resort."  
  
Zero felt confident that Chazo would back down. "So Chazo, have you given up yet?"  
  
Chazo forced a confident smile, "Not on your life! Power isn't everything. Even the most powerful warrior can be killed by the weakest peasant."  
  
Zero was obviously disturbed by his response. He was right. If he had more skill, Chazo might pull out an upset victory. He would have to rely on his strength and quickness to win this.  
  
Chazo charged at Zero which threw him off-guard. Zero threw a punch at him but hit air. Chazo reappeared above him and smashed his foot on top of his head. Zero was momentarily stunned by this and Chazo took this chance and kicked him in the mouth yet again, this time causing Zero to lose one of his teeth. Zero was pissed. He threw a energy blast at Chazo that missed him by only 1/2 an inch. Zero then threw a rapid fire that Chazo tried as hard as he could to dodge. Chazo decided to try his own offensive.  
  
Chazo reared back his right hand as an energy bal formed within, "Not even you can dodge this one Zero! SPEED BLAST!"  
  
He threw the ball forward and just before it struck it's target, Zero disappeared. The ball sped on, punching a hole in the mountain about a foot wide. Chazo was at a loss. Where did that idiot go? He was answered with a knee to the back of his head and a kick to his stomach. As Chazo doubled over in pain, Zero geared up for another blast.  
  
"KAAAAAAAMAAAAAAAAAYHAAAAAAAAAAMAAAAAAAAAY. . ."  
  
Chazo knew then that his strategy was going to work.  
  
"HAAAAAAAAAAA!"  
  
Zero threw his hands forward and the blast just managed to singe the edge of Chazo's blue hair. Zero was wondering, how the hell? Just at that moment, Chazo was right behind Zero. He grabbed Zero's head and squeezed slightly. Zero thought this was so pointless, but why was it so hard to get out of this? Grey Fox was confused. Why didn't Zero break the hold? Then he saw why, Zero seemed to be paralized and his eye's were slightly dialated. His eye's showed a side of fear that Grey Fox had never seen.  
  
Just then Zero transformed back to a SS2, and everyone knew the score. Chazo was absobring some of Zero's energy. As Chazo let go of Zero, he was much more powerful than before. Zero was on the ground trying to get away from Chazo. At this point, Chazo indeed surpassed Zero in strength.  
  
"What the hell did you do to me?" said Zero.  
  
"Well you don't have to worry that much. I only took enough to learn a few of your techniques. I got a few interesting morsels of information."  
  
D-Shade reached into his pouch and pulled out a sensu bean. "Hey Zero catch!"  
  
He threw the bean and as Zero caught it, Chazo took a step back and seemed a little nervous. "What the hell is this shit?"  
  
As Zero popped the bean in his mouth he replied, "This shit evens up the score!"  
  
Zero then got his energy back and he transformed back into the SS3 stage Chazo still seemed a little confident.  
  
"Hmm, this isn't going to be as bad as I thought. I think I have enough of your energy to sustain me through this fight."  
  
"Screw you!"  
  
Zero powered up for a Kamehameha, but was stunned when Chazo began to do the same. But it didn't look right, his hands were in the wrong position. Then he knew why.  
  
Chazo began to shout out, "SHOOOOOOOODUUUUUUUUUU. . ."  
  
Zero began his own attack, "KAAAAAAAAAMAAAAAAAAYHAAAAAAAAAMAAAAAAAAY. . ."  
  
"KAAAAAAAAAAAAN!"  
  
"HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"  
  
The two blasts met in the middle and as they touched, a preliminary explosion occurred and the blasts had a huge amount of energy eminating from them. Grey Fox looked fearfull.  
  
"They can't hold this for long! If they do it could be disasterous."  
  
Just as he said that, there was a huge power overload and the blast grew to enormous size, engulfing Zero and Chazo in this, disintegrating them instantly. Sasami was in shock that her love had been killed. Double S however saw something else dangerous.  
  
"Oh my god! GET OUT OF HERE EVERYONE!"  
  
But it was too late, the blast explosion grew and grew until they were all consumed by the energy, and disintegrated. They had all perished.  
  
END PART ONE  
  
Next Time:  
  
Incase you were wondering, yes, the brave warriors all were all killed by the blast. Upon their death, they were sent to the afterlife where they were invited to attempt to compete in the Grand Kai's Tournament. When they get to the planet, Zero meets up with some old friends from his time. Find out what happens next time on Tenchi Ball Z! 


	2. No Need For Death

Robert "Chazo" Montoya hotluvchef@aol.com Tenchi Ball Z - Episode 2: No Need For Death Crossover Continuation of the Tenchi Ball Z spinoff of "The Newcomers". All of our heros have died, but will the afterlife prove more interesting than ours?  
  
Yes! Thank god! I have finally had the stories returned to me! for all my adoring fans, your wait is over, here is the long awaited Episode two of the Tenchi Ball Z saga. Here's why it took so long for it to get here. The laptop that i saved the stories on was in the shop for 3 months. It was a problem because I was stupid enough to not back up the stories on a hard disk. Oh well, here's the second episode of Tenchi Ball Z. ENJOY!  
  
*DISCLAIMER* I DO NOT BY ANY MEANS OWN TENCHI OR ANYTHING RELATING TO DRAGONBALL Z (EXCEPT THE 4 CHARACTERS I MADE UP). ZERO, D-SHADE, DOUBLE S, AND GREY FOX ARE PROPERTY OF BMSCAIFE@AOL.COM. IF YOU WANT TO READ PREVIOUS ADVENTURES THAT HE HAS WRITTEN, CHECK OUT THE TENCHI MUYO FAN FIC ARCHIVE. KEEP IN MIND THAT HE IS A PERVERT SO HIS STORIES WILL BE IN THE LEMONS SECTION. NOBODY SUE ME BECAUSE THEIR EFFORTS WOULD BE FOR NAUGHT.  
  
LAST TIME ON TENCHI BALL Z. . .  
  
Washuu had almost completed her time machine, but due to some whining by Ryoko, she was forced to use it ahead of time. However something went terribly wrong, and instead of them going into the past, they went 100 years into the future. While there they met up with some "friends." To decide which side was stronger, they decided to have a couple of matches. Double S toppled Shou with a painful knee to the groin that shortened his sperm count heavily. Mia managed a victory against D-Shade using her cunning and beauty. Then in an unexpected turn, they decided to skip right to Chazo V.S. Zero. It seemed that even though Chazo was no match strength wise, his intelligence evened up the score. But when the two combatants locked horns in an energy standoff, the blast went haywire and everyone was engulfed inside! Did they survive? Find out today on TENCHI BALL Z!  
  
NO NEED FOR DEATH  
  
It took a while before Chazo woke up. When he did, he found that he had a huge headache.  
  
"What the hell happened? Was I drinking again last night?"  
  
As he looked around him, he saw that the surroundings looked eerily familiar. Then it hit him. He was dead. He wondered if Zero was with him, since he must've been engulfed in the blast with him. But as he looked around, he saw that the situation was worse than he thought. Not only did he and Zero die in the blast, so did everyone else around them. He recognized Tenchi and his friends, and also his own crew. He also noticed all of Zero's friends were here too.  
  
"Damn," he thought, "how big was that explosion?"  
  
He decided to wake up the other members of his crew, Zero could wake up his own damn friends when he gets up. He went over to Shou and shook him slightly. He continued snoring. He shook him a little harder, nothing. Getting a little frustrated, he stomped on Shou's stomach, causing Shou to get up coughing and gasping for air.  
  
"What the hell was that for?"  
  
"Wake up you ass, we got a problem."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You want the long explanation? Or the short one?"  
  
"The short one."  
  
"Ok. We're dead."  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"Go wake up Zero. Tell him to wake up his friends."  
  
As Shou walked over to Zero, he was thinking of what he should say. He decided he would try what Chazo did to him and stomp on his stomach. As he stood over Zero, he raised his foot, ready to stomp down. All of a sudden, he felt a crushing pain in his nuts again. He looked down and saw Zero glaring at him with red eyes, crushing Shou's package in his hands.  
  
In a high pitched voice, Shou said, "Ok! Ok, leggo! Please leggo!"  
  
As Zero let go, Shou fell to his knees in agony.  
  
Zero eyes went back to normal. "Where the hell are we? What's with all the clouds?"  
  
"I don't know how to tell you this, but we're dead."  
  
"HUH? How did we die?"  
  
As the pain was slowly fading away, his voice got a little deeper. "Well from what I know, we all must've been engulfed in the blast."  
  
"Shit! Anything else?"  
  
"Yeah. Will everyone please stop going for my nuts? I probably can't have any kids now!"  
  
Zero went over to wake up his friends and one by one, everyone eventually was awake and aware of their situation. None were all too pleased.  
  
Ryoko was whining again, "How could this happen? I'm too young to die!"  
  
"You're one to talk! I'm too young and beautiful to die!"  
  
"That's a laugh!"  
  
Tenchi stepped in yet again, "Stop! Not now!"  
  
Chazo also decide to say something, "He's right. Now's not the time to quarrel. Our main goal is to figure out how to get out of here." He extended his hand to Zero, "What do you say, call a temporary cease-fire?"  
  
Zero slapped Chazo's hand away, "You think I'll call a truce with you?"  
  
"Hey man what's your problem?"  
  
"It's your fault we're here. No way I'm gonna be friends with you!"  
  
"We gotta get outa here somehow, it'd be easiier working together."  
  
"Listen, you do it your way, we'll do it ours. Guys, lets go."  
  
"Where?" asked Chazo.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Where you gonna go? You know where everything is? Yo know how to get around?"  
  
Zero looked down, he didn't know anything about death.  
  
"See? You do need me, because," he got a serious look, "I've died a couple times."  
  
Zero looked at him in a different light. He had somewhat of a newfound respect for him, but he still didn't like him all too much. In his mind, he felt that Chazo was responsible for their death. Chazo felt the same way about Zero, but for a different reason. He thought Zero was way too big for his britches. Maybe Zero was stronger, but in his heart, Zero didn't completely have the killer instinct that Chazo had.  
  
Chazo got a cold look on his face, "Better watch it Zero, or next time I take a little snack, I won't hesitate to take. . .,"he looked at Sasami, "everything."  
  
Zero's eyes blazed red, "If you touch her-" he stopped, threatening him directly would be useless. So he thought of an idea, "If you touch her, I'll take your most valued asset from you."  
  
Chazo's eyes also blazed red like Zero's. Something nobody noticed before. Why did their eyes blaze in the same way? And why did they look so much alike? Questions to be answered later, right now the goal was to get these two separated before shit went down and they all got hurt.  
  
Mia grabbed Chazo and held him at bay. "Hey babe, cool it! Just chill out! You Raise a fist toward him, I'll take you down myself!"  
  
Sasami also grabbed Zero, but didn't say anything to him.  
  
Zero smirked a little, "Hey Chazo, do you always let your women control you? What is she your trainer?"  
  
Mia walked over to Zero and slapped him dead in the face, HARD!  
  
Zero just stood there, shocked that a woman had ever just straight out hit him that hard before. And he also had a painful red handprint on his cheek, that stung like a muther-fucker! All of a sudden a dark shadowy mist enveloped him as his eyes glowed a deep red.  
  
"You hit me! You slut! You live with 3 guys and probably fuck each and every one of them. You couldn't beat D-Shade hand to hand, so like a true bitch you relied on your figure to get you what you want. And I'm sure that your weakness doesn't end there. You're pathetic and are only wanted because you can cook."  
  
After hearing this, Mia's eye's watered, and she just began to break down and weep. Chazo immediately forgot being angry at Zero. The only thing on his mind right now was Mia. He ran up to her and hugged her tight as she continued to cry into his arms. Meanwhile, Zero's eye's went purple in forgiveness, and the black cloud disappeared. You could tell he was incredibly sorry for what he had just done. His friends began to back away from him. Even Sasami, the girl who loved him, backed away from what she thought was a monster. But he wanted so bad to apologize.  
  
"Hey I'm-" Zero was so sorry, he began to choke on his own words.  
  
Chazo's eye's glowed a deep, blood-red as he looked up at Zero. He was gonna kill this sonuvabitch! Nobody, and that means NOBODY, ever hurt Mia like this!  
  
Chazo was so pissed that his voice began to crack, "You realize this means you're going to die!"  
  
Chazo handed Mia to Jeigo who tried to comfort her. As he did, Chazo powered up and went Super Saiyan, but it didn't end there. Zero had to act fast, because Chazo's hair was beginning to grow to a SS3's length.  
  
Zero raised his hands and shouted, "NEURALIZER!"  
  
Instantly, a blue bubble enveloped the entire group and then popped, leaving even frozen in place.  
  
Chazo began to feel confused, "What the hell? Why am I a Super Saiyan all of a sudden?"  
  
Zero tried to hide his emotions and made up a lame excuse, "Uh, we had just called a truce and we he getting ready to spar."  
  
Chazo narrowed his eyes at Zero. Zero began to fidget. Did he do the move incorrectly?  
  
Chazo eyes rounded, "Ok. I guess I just a few hard shots to the head and just forgot."  
  
Zero sighed in relief. But now he actually had to spar with Chazo to keep the fantasy believable. Just as he was about to power up, one of King Yama's blue servants came up to them.  
  
"Uh, Mr. Tenchi Masaki?" he asked.  
  
Tenchi spoke up, "Right here."  
  
He handed Tenchi a card and a clipboard, "Sign here please."  
  
As Tenchi signed the clipboard, the servant went up to Chazo.  
  
"Mr. Chazo Grewishika?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
He handed him the same card as Tenchi. As he got the clipboard back from Tenchi he handed it to Chazo, "Sign here please."  
  
As Chazo signed, the servant went up to Zero, "Um, Mr. Brian Sage?"  
  
Everyone stared at Zero in fear. It'd been so hard for him to tell his first name, now this blue guy just called him by his last name. But Zero acted very nonchalant.  
  
"Here." The servant handed him the clipboard. As Zero signed it, everyone stared at him.  
  
"Uh Zero?" asked Tenchi.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Uh, you never told us your last name before."  
  
"Well, you never asked."  
  
Tenchi fell over in exasperation. Had things been going normal, he would've kicked the shit out of anyone for saying his last name. As the man left, everyone was wondering what the cards said. As Zero, Tenchi and Chazo, lread their cards, Ryoko was giggling like a madman.  
  
"What the fuck are you laughing at?" asked Chazo.  
  
"Grewishica! Ha ha! That's the funniest name I ever heard!" But her laughter was soon cut short at the sight of Chazo's red eyes.  
  
"No one makes fun of my name. How bout Ryoko? Sound's like a guy's name! Or an ugly goulish monster."  
  
Ryoko's mouth was open in a silent gasp. Everyone felt sorry for Ryoko. But Ayeka was on her back laughing like a crazy person.  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Finally someone else see's what I see!"  
  
Chazo looked at her, "What the hell you laughing at?"  
  
Ayeka stood back up, "Oh nothing."  
  
"I thought so."  
  
Zero cut off the bickering, "The card says, 'You and a group of 4 have been invited to compete in a Martial Arts Tournament. Grand Prize is mortality for you and your group. The tournament will begin in one year. Be prepared. Singed: Grand Kai."  
  
Chazo was shocked, "One year?"  
  
Tenchi seemed curious, "Hmm, only 4 members per team? Who are you gonna take Chazo?"  
  
Chazo looked up, "It's obvious isn't it? My party is Mia, Jeigo, and Shou," he looked at Zero, "what about you?"  
  
Zero replied, "My party's Grey Fox, Double S, and D-Shade."  
  
Sasami looked dissapointed, "What about me?"  
  
Zero looked a little embaressed. He had forgotten about Sasami. "Uh. . ."  
  
Tenchi saved him, "Don't worry Zero, my party's Sasami, Ryoko, and Ayeka."  
  
"Ok." said Sasami. She was still a little miffed that Zero hadn't picked her.  
  
Zero was a little confused, "Uh, how do we get to wherever we have to go?"  
  
Chazo thought for a moment, "If memory serves me right, one of those planes over there." He pointed to some jumbo jets outside.  
  
Everyone was in awe. And a little confused, what the hell were these planes doing here?  
  
"Hey Chazo," asked Zero, "What about those who aren't going to be in the tournament? Can they still go?"  
  
"I think so. But they remain in the stands at all times. Any attempt to interfere results in an automatic sentence to Hell."  
  
Tenchi was curious,"Hey Chazo, How do you know about the tournament so well?"  
  
Chazo got an angry look on his face, "I was a finalist in the last tournament. And I would've won had it not been for this one jackass named Goku!"  
  
Zero's eyes widened in shock, "Goku?? He's here?"  
  
"Friend of yours?"  
  
"He was my sensei. Greatest fighter I ever knew!"  
  
Chazo's eyes went red, "Goku is the reason I didn't win the last tournament. Had it not been for him, I wouldn't have had to challenge the Grand Kai."  
  
"What happened when you did that?" asked Ryoko.  
  
"He declared that for my insolence, I would have to face 5 fighters in a gauntlet match. If I lost, I would've been sent to hell for all eternity."  
  
"And you won right?"  
  
"Wrong."  
  
Everyone looked at him differently. Maybe he was a lot smarter than he looked.  
  
"I lost in the final round, to the other man I vowed to defeat later in life, Gohan. And what made it worse, he was one of Goku's sons."  
  
Shou chuckled, "Guess you just got your ass whipped by Goku's whole fucking family."  
  
Chazo calmly walked over to Shou, and kicked him squarely in the balls. Shou, overcome with pain, fell to the ground, cupping his genitals and crying in pain.  
  
"Say something like that again, and I'll cut 'em off! Anyways, we better get on the plane. Hey you," pointing to Grey Fox, "help Jeigo carry him on the plane."  
  
Grey Fox grabbed his ankles while Jeigo grabbed Shou's hands. Shou, by this time, was unconscious from all the ball beatings. Chazo showed their cards to the stewardess as the other climed aboard. The interior of the airplane was very luxurious. Double S beamed Happily and pointed at something.  
  
"Lookie lookie! They got a fridge!"  
  
However when he ran over to open it, he found that it was empty. He slunk dejectedly to a seat where he began to sulk. "I guess this is one of those fridges where you bring your own damn food."  
  
Chazo chuckled, "Don't worry, just be patient. The fridge doesn't fill up until the plane takes off."  
  
Zero tried to open a door, but found that it was locked. "Hey Chazo, where's this door lead to?"  
  
"That's another perk about being invited. That leads into a training room for those who have been invited twice."  
  
"But who here has been invited twice?"  
  
Everyone shook their head in disgust. Then they pointed to Chazo.  
  
"Oh yeah."  
  
Chazo got up from his seat, "Let me open this up for you Zero."  
  
Zero looked at Sasami, "Care to join me babe?"  
  
Sasami got a sexy look in her eyes, "Oh you know it."  
  
Chazo waved his hands, "Uh uh, no way! No sex allowed in the training room, otherwise you're disqualified from the tournament."  
  
Zero looked disappointed, "Well, want to come in anyways?"  
  
"Sure, why not?"  
  
As they went into the training room, Chazo went back into the lounge to just kick back and take a small snooze before they got there. When he woke up, they were about halfway there. Everyone was sleeping, D-Shade and Jeigo both had snot bubbles coming out of their noses. He went over to the fridge and grabbed three sodas and decided to take some to Zero and Tenchi, who were sword fighting in the training room. He thought to himself, swordfighting? He hadn't figured Zero to be a sword fighter. As he went into the room he saw Tenchi was using a sword similar to Zero's.  
  
Just as he walked a few steps in, the flat ends of the swords, right in the head, struck him HARD!  
  
Chazo rambled incoherently, "Yahtzee! You're welcome." And with that he fell to the ground, his butt sticking up in the air. When he woke up, he found that he was lying on a couch, with Sasami putting a cold washcloth on his head.  
  
"What the hell happened?"  
  
"Shh. Just lay back, relax. You've been through a lot latley."  
  
"Look, I make it a point not to have fun with somebody else's girlfriend."  
  
A few seconds later, he had a deep red handprint on his cheek. That woke his ass up. "Sorry. I had that comin'."  
  
Sasami still seemed a little exasperated, but a little more relaxed. "Well, it's ok. But Zero would've killed you if he heard that."  
  
"Zero's a lucky guy to have you. Probably the same way I feel about Mia. She's first, my last, my everything."  
  
"Yeah, I guess." Sasami suddenly got a confused look, "Isn't that from a Barry White song?"  
  
Chazo looked a little embarresed, "Oh look, here's Zero."  
  
When she looked over, Zero wasn't there. When she turned back, Chazo had gone and went over to Mia. Sasami seemed somewhat disturbed that he hadn't even found her attractive, since everybody else did.  
  
When Zero did come out of the training room, he seemed glad that Chazo was ok. "Hey man how's your-"  
  
Grey Fox stopped him, "Uh uh, I got in trouble before for saying that."  
  
Chazo got up, "I think my head's ok."  
  
Everyone stopped for a while, then bust out laughing. Chazo's eyes and cheeks went with cheeks went pink with embaressment. He slunk into a corner of the room and sat there for the remainder of the trip. When they finally arrived, they almost didn't notice it because the landing was so soft. Chazo was the last one to climb out of the plane, trying to hide from everyone else. As they walked out, Chazo took a deep breath and got his courage back.  
  
"Pretty impressive isn't it?" asked Chazo.  
  
Indeed it was, everywhere they looked there were fighters. Some were sparring, some talking, some laughing. It was a warrior's dream, come true.  
  
"Well," said Chazo, "let me introduce you to some friends."  
  
He walked over to a blonde man wearing a Viking-style hat. "Hey Olive, how's it going?"  
  
Olive turned around, "Oh quite well actually. How long has it been? 5 years?"  
  
Chazo smiled, "Must have felt like nothing to you. I'd like you to meet some friends of mine. This is Shou, my brother Jeigo, and the love of my life, Mia."  
  
Mia smiled and blushed a little.  
  
Olive took Mia's hand and kissed it. "It's a major pleasure to meet you."  
  
"And this guy," he pointed to Zero, "is Brian."  
  
Zero flushed a little, "Don't call me Brian! Not even my friends do!"  
  
"Soooooorrrrrrrrryyyyy! Ok, this is Zero. Well Zero, go ahead and introduce yourself."  
  
Zero waved, "My name is Zero, this is my group, Double S, D-Shade, and Grey Fox."  
  
"And who are the others?"  
  
Tenchi answered, "I'm Tenchi. This is Sasami, Mihoshi, Kiyone, Ryoko, and Ayesha."  
  
"A pleasure to meet you all."  
  
All of a sudden, Chazo got a mean look in his eyes as he spotted a certain someone that he was looking for. "I'll be back. There's someone I need to speak with."  
  
As Chazo walked away, Zero noticed who he was talking about.  
  
"Well, it's been a while." said Chazo.  
  
"Hey Chazo, long time no see!" said the stranger. He held out his hand.  
  
Chazo ignored it, "I was hoping I wouldn't die for a long time. It's been too soon."  
  
"Hey I'm sorry about our last battle. It was a total fluke I swear."  
  
Chazo smiled a little, "No, it wasn't. But don't worry, I got a new trick up my sleeve."  
  
From the distance another man called out, "Hey dad!"  
  
The stranger turned his head, "Hey Gohan, look who's here."  
  
Gohan looked at Chazo, and got a cold look. "Guess you were too weak and got killed again."  
  
Chazo's eyes turned red, "Watch it, or I won't hesitate to kick your ass harder this time!"  
  
"Shove it."  
  
"WHAT WAS THAT??"  
  
Chaso burst into Super Saiyan mode, followed closely by Gohan. Goku backed off a little. Gohan smiled, before he went all the way to SS3. Chazo grunted and pushed himself to SS2. He tried as hard as he can, and to his own amazment, he went to SS3 also. Chazo was amazed, that seemed way too easy.  
  
Gohan was greatly impressed. "Well, you've gotten stronger. I have to give you that." He then powered down to his normal form. "I'm looking forward to facing you agan."  
  
"As am I." He powered down also.  
  
Zero walked up, "Goku?"  
  
"Zero? Oh my god!"  
  
They gave each other a short embrace. When they let go, Zero eyes, were in a light blue. He only felt like this whenever he'd see Sasami after coming back from a long trip.  
  
"Goku how long has it been?"  
  
"Over 100 years. I was wondering why you haven't died yet."  
  
"I can explain that." said Chazo.  
  
"I'm sure you can, but I'm not asking you."  
  
Zero answered, "Well, our stupid friend Washuu built a time machine and when she tried to send us into the past, it fucked up and sent us into the future."  
  
Gohan looked at Chazo, "And how did you die?"  
  
"Well, we went to go check these people out, and we got into a fight. We had a tournament, and we were the last ones left. So when we got locked in a power struggle, it overloaded, and we were all killed."  
  
"Hey Sasami, " he turned to Goku, "there's someone I want you to meet."  
  
Sasami walked up. Zero took her hand, "this is my girlfriend, Sasami."  
  
Goku seemed happy, "Wow Zero! Congratulations!" Goku kissed Sasami's hand. "She's pretty."  
  
Although Zero was still happy, he said, "Remember Goku, you're married."  
  
"Oh shut up."  
  
Zero said, "Man, Goku, it's sure good to see you."  
  
All of a sudden, a large horn sounded. Everyone fell silent as the Grand Kai entered the courtyard. HE was clad in his traditional robes and hat. As he made his way to the front of the courtyard, he spoke in a surfer-style voice.  
  
"Welcome to my planet. As you probably guessed, the Afterlife Martial Arts Tournament will begin in one year. So I hope you all train for the event as hard as you can. Because we have a special prize up for grabs this time. Mortality, for you and a party of three. So choose your friends and allies well. And as an added bonus, I've installed many new hyperbolic time-chambers. So any of you who feel that they need a lot more training, may use the chambers after consulting your regional Kai. Fight hard, think deep. Good luck!"  
  
After he was finished, everyone got back to their training. But the Grand Kai walked over to Chazo and the gang. While Goku, Gohan, and Olive bowed, Zero and Chazo stood firm. The Grand Kai didn't seem too miffed though.  
  
"Well Chazo," he said, "hope we don't have another repeat of what happened last time. You really embaressed me then."  
  
"Sorry. But if I lose, I'll take the gauntlet again."  
  
The Grand Kai shook his head. He looked at Zero, "Ah a rookie! Welcome. Hope these guys don't hurt you too bad."  
  
"Don't worry about it. I feel pretty confident."  
  
"Well, good luck anyways." And with that, he turned away.  
  
Sasami ran up to him, "Excuse me sir."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
You said if we wanted to use the hyperbolic chambers, we had to consult our regional Kai's."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I was wondering, who are our regional Kai's?"  
  
"Hmm. Where were you born?"  
  
"Jurai, same as my sister Ayeka."  
  
"Oh Jurai! Nice planet. Your Kai is," he thought for a moment," I believe it's the West Kai."  
  
"But I live on Earth now."  
  
"Oh, well then it's the North Kai."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"Anytime." With that, he walked back to his palace.  
  
Tenchi was fascinated by this place. "Wow this place is amazing."  
  
Ryoko was still curious, "So which Kai do I belong to?"  
  
Chazo thought, "Well where have you spent most of your life?"  
  
"Near the planet Jurai."  
  
"Well then you're fighting for the West Kai."  
  
"But I live on Earth too."  
  
"OK, like I told her, if you live on Earth, your regional Kai is the North."  
  
"Ok thanks."  
  
Goku turned toward Zero, "Oh that's right. This is your first time, so you never met King Kai. Follow me."  
  
Goku led them to a small pavilian where there where three squat, little people wearing robes like the Grand Kai. They were sitting around talking about who has a better shot at the tournament. Chazo walked up to North Kai and bowed.  
  
"It's good to see you again King Kai."  
  
"What are you doing back? I thought you became the strongest fighter on Earth."  
  
"I did," he looked at Zero, "but someone proved to me otherwise."  
  
Zero was taken aback by the remark. Even if it was left-handed, it was the first compliment that Chazo ever gave him.  
  
North Kai looked past Chazo at the others. "Who are they? I haven't seen them before."  
  
"Couple of rookies. Need someone to show them the ropes. I said my piece."  
  
"Well, what planet are they from?"  
  
Chazo grinned, "That's the best part. They are all extremely strong, and. . . they're all from Earth."  
  
King Kai jumped with joy. "Whoopie! I haven't had a good fighter from Earth since Olive and Goku."  
  
Gohan cleared his throat to make himself noticed.  
  
"Oh yes, and Gohan."  
  
North Kai gave his small introductory speech, which sounded amazingly similar to the Grand Kai's. ". . . and, if you want, I can train you before the tournament."  
  
Zero began to say, "Well that's ok, we already-" but was cut short when Goku elbowed him in his side. "Sure we'd be happy to train under you."  
  
"Good. Then let's get started."  
  
He led them to one of the few small fields that was empty. "First thing I ask of all my trainees, you have to make me laugh with a joke."  
  
Everyone fell over with exasperation except those who had already gone through this. First up was Ayeka.  
  
"Um, ok." She blushed, she didn't know that many jokes. Then she thought of a semi-dirty one, "Ok. Knock knock."  
  
"Who's there?"  
  
"Oliver."  
  
"Oliver who?"  
  
"Oliver Clothesoff."  
  
North Kai burst out laughing, and soon had tears running down his eyes. "Oh, ho ho ho ho ho. I have to remember that one."  
  
Next up to the plate was Ryoko. She thought she had this one in the bag, since she'd been to so many places. "How many Jurians does it take to milk a cow?"  
  
"I don't know, how many?"  
  
"Twenty-one. One to hold the udder, the other twenty to lift the cow up and down, up and down, up and down." She stopped because she had made herself fall to the ground laughing her head off. However, Ayeka was fuming.  
  
When Ryoko stopped laughing, she noticed that North Kai, hadn't laughed at all. "Nope. Next?"  
  
Tenchi came up, "A couple were walking down a street, when they came to a crosswalk where Officer Ed was directing traffic. When they stopped at the curb, Officer Ed turned to them and said, 'I suppose you want me to stop traffic so that you and you ugly wife can cross." The man smiled, 'My it's a wonderful day today.' 'It's going to rain stupid!' 'But there's not a cloud in the sky.' 'It's going to rain! Boy, are you people stupid.' After the couple crossed, his wife turned to her husband, 'He sure was rude.' Then it began to pour rain. The man turned to his wife, 'Yes but he knows rain dear.'"  
  
"Uh huh?"  
  
Tenchi got a little nervous, "But the couple were songwriters and they made a song about the incident and became millionaires. Oh come on you know the song!"  
  
"No."  
  
"Rude Officer Ed Knows Rain, Dear." He began to sing it in the tune of the popular Christmas carol.  
  
North Kai bust out laughing harder than before. Soon he was rolling on the ground holding his stomach. It was Sasami's turn now.  
  
"Um," she tried a joke similar to Ryoko's, "how many cockroaches does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"  
  
"I dunno."  
  
"Neither do I. As soon as the light goes on, they scatter!"  
  
Although it didn't make much sense, King Kai was laughing like a madman. Now it was on to the harder groups, Zero's and Chazo's. First up for Zero was Double S.  
  
Surprisingly, he didn't think that long, "How do you keep a fish from smelling?"  
  
"How?"  
  
"Cut off his nose."  
  
North Kai chuckled and let him pass. Next up was D-Shade.  
  
"Um, ok. Ok ok I got a good one. No that won't work. Ok how bout. . .no that won't work either. Maybe. . .no. Ok here's one. . .no that's not it."  
  
Everyone shouted, "JUST SAY A FUCKING JOKE ASS!!!!"  
  
"Ok,a horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Hey why the long face?"  
  
Luckily, it arose a small chuckle, which let him pass. Next up was Grey Fox.  
  
Grey Fox was confident, "Ask me what's the most important thing about being a comedian."  
  
"What's the most important thing-"  
  
"Timing."  
  
North Kai was on his knees trying to catch his breath, that joke was so funny to him. Now it was Shou's turn.  
  
This was hard for Shou, considering he had little or no sense of humor at all. But he thought of one. "What do you call a Mexican family going on a picnic?"  
  
"No idea."  
  
"A 'spicknick'."  
  
King Kai was laughing a little at that one. But Chazo came up behind Shou and slapped him on the back of the head. "Don't be racist, you dick."  
  
"Sorry." Said Shou, rubbing the back of his head. Next up was Jeigo.  
  
Jeigo used to be a comedian, so he knew he was gonna do it. He signaled for Chazo to come over. "Hey," he whispered, "can I tell my E.T. joke?"  
  
"Go ahead."  
  
Jeigo turned back, "What do you call E.T. crossing the Mexican border into the U.S.?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"An illegal alien."  
  
North Kai smiled, but didn't laugh too much. Now it was Mia's turn.  
  
"Ok, knock, knock."  
  
"Who's there?"  
  
"Madame."  
  
"Madame who?"  
  
"Madame foot's caught in the door!"  
  
Next up was Zero. This was hard for him.  
  
"K, um. Here's a Momma joke. Your momma is so dumb, she went to an NC-17 movie, she went back home and got 16 of her friends."  
  
North Kai was laughing like crazy at that joke. It was Ryoko's turn again. But try as she might, she still couldn't get him to laugh. Then the thought hit her 20 minutes later, maybe he doesn't like women telling ethnic jokes. Finally she thought of a joke.  
  
"Knock, knock."  
  
"Who's there?"  
  
"Orange."  
  
"Orange who?"  
  
"Orange you glad to see me?"  
  
Kai finally let out a smile. Ryoko was in.  
  
END PART TWO  
  
Next time:  
  
Everyone is preparing for the Afterlife Martial Arts Tournament and some sparks fly between Gohan and Chazo. But on the day of the Grand Kai's birth, a huge celebration takes place. And something strange, will Chazo reveal a love for "old timey" country music? Find out next time on Tenchi Ball Z! 


	3. No Need For Idiots

*DISCLAIMER* I am deviating from the story a little to have my characters explain to you why they feel the changes recently made are full of crap. Only my characters will be speaking.  
  
::Scene fades into a room with four chairs. From left to right are Shou, Mia, Chazo, and Jeigo.::  
  
Chazo: Hello.thank you for joining us today.  
  
Mia: it has come to our attention that due to some opinions of a few..::makes quotation marks:: sissies, the NC-17 material is being removed from FanFiction.net.  
  
Shou: We feel that this is a violation of author's rights. We would also like you to know that since we have to keep a ::makes quotations:: decent rating.we will be censoring our launguage.mother f*ck, bull sh*t.  
  
Jeigo: ::sweatdrop:: Uh.yeah.anyways.since this features the cast of the story.there is no right or legal recourse to remove us, by labeling us as a "rant" or "author's notes"  
  
Chazo: America was founded on the basis of life, liberty, and the pursuit of hapiness.but for whom?  
  
Shou: Rich white people?  
  
Chazo: Uh.Shou.the question was rhetorical.  
  
Jeigo: What my brother is trying to say.the United States Constitution has been ripped apart, and torn up basically, by spineless little *ssholes who feel it their duty to enforce their.what we like to call, "Sterilization laws"  
  
Mia: We can not truly blame the owner of the website completely.mostly, the blame falls on the readers who complain about sh*t that needs no complaints. I myself enjoyed the NC-17 section.lord knows I've pleasure myself plenty of times reading some of those stories.  
  
Chazo: EXCUSE ME???  
  
Shou: We belive.that you should never blame the owner for something someone else wrote.  
  
Jeigo:: For instance, you would not blame the WWE if a 14 year old boy powerbombed an infant would you? No.the blame should fall on the person watching them.or whoever was "supposed" to be watching them.  
  
Mia: Basically people.if you don't want to read it.don't! Simple as that!  
  
Chazo: If you don't like the content.stop reading and look for another story.  
  
Shou: So people, stop being pussies, heh.this word can't be classified as foul language, and grow the f*ck up.  
  
Chazo: We would also like to let the readers know that due to the new format of FanFiction.net, future lemon scenes such as Zero and Sasami, me and Mia, and Mia ans Sasami, which were already written, will not be shown. If, however, you would like the uncensored versions.send an email to shinzenchazo@aol.com.  
  
Mia: Thanks for your time folks, and stay tuned when we return to our regularly scheduled fiction.  
  
Chazo: And on behalf of my crew, F*CK YOU, YOU SPINELESS D*CKWEEDS! AND THANK GOD FOR THE MOTHER F*CKING FIRST AMENDMENT!! 


End file.
